Purpose

The Path to Personal Freedom

So, I wasn't always this free...

I used to be trapped in a mental prison of self-judgement, criticism, doubt and perfectionism.  I would put ridiculous amounts of pressure on myself to be strong and perform.  I was afraid of confrontation.  I couldn't stand anyone being "mad" at me.   I was constantly in my head and adjusting my behavior to fit in and be liked.  In fact, I was so good at fitting in, I prided myself at being a chameleon - being who I needed to be... or who I thought I needed to be.  

It got me a "good" job and lots of acquaintances, but I was missing a sense of purpose or a community who really knew me.  (Besides, if they really knew me they wouldn't actually like me.  They would find out I was a fraud!)  

I felt chained to a corporate credit card, the idea of "security" and an image of having it all together.  

What I lacked was FREEDOM - in my mind and body, to own my time, to pursue my interests, to relax, to say what I really thought, to be honest and vulnerable, to move how I wanted to move, to be myself

As I write this, I feel completely liberated, unafraid to share my story, knowing what I stand for and following my passion and purpose.  I feel free from the expectations of what I should do or who I should be.  I feel free to challenge the status quo.  

I feel free to be imperfect.  I feel free to take action despite not knowing it all or without having it all figured out.  

Now, there is something much deeper informing and guiding me that is not dependent on things outside myself. 

But let's be real.  Getting here has not been easy.  

It's been messy, with ups and downs, deaths and rebirths.  But because of doing these 4 things, every time I stumble or feel lost, I end up closer to who I am and what I'm really here to do.  I become stronger, more clear and more free.  In the end, it's about the journey, not the destination. 

wild, crazy, messy, liberated love, 

Kiki 

 

Come explore HOW FREE YOU CAN FEEL with me LIVE for "Ritual Movement" on Wednesday, 11/4 in SF.

(feminine flow yoga + sensual dance + women's coaching circle)

And grab your FREE GIFT!
"7 Sacred Rituals to Find Balance & Ignite Your Passion"

 

Are you hiding your true self? Are you afraid to be seen?

Hey girls,

I have a confession, and I think you might be able to relate.  I recently slipped back into thinking "I need to get it right.  I need this to work.  I need to be on top of my game.  I need to be ____ for them to like me."  (Insert highly aspirational or unattainable quality.)

I've been interviewing and working with some (bad ass) professional women who I consider to be leaders or emerging leaders.  And I picked up on something... a struggle around how others perceive them.  "Am I smart enough? Too aggressive? Not aggressive enough? Qualified enough? Am I too much?... What do they think of me?" 

I realized that I had started to buy back into the game of "enough-ness" and projecting an image of who I thought I needed to be... for YOU to like me. 

 

I'd like to share a personal story... 

Ever since I was a young girl, I was very self-aware.  I became very adept at observing the people around me and shifting my demeanor, words and behavior to "fit in."  (Which, according to Brene Brown is the #1 barrier to feeling a true sense of belonging.)

I was also a pretty smart kid who learned that pushing myself, getting all A's and putting on a face full of makeup would get me a lot of external validation... especially from powerful men.   

Eventually I began to feel crushed under the pressure I had put on myself - pressure to be the "good girl," to make the grades, make the sales, pressure to look pretty and act like I knew it all, pressure show no signs weakness (or emotions), pressure to be "cool" and social, go along with the "group" and not cause trouble in the relationship...

Pressure to be who I thought I needed to be in order to be liked and get ahead... 

Pressure to be perfect and have it together all the time. 

I was afraid.  I was afraid to fail or seem weak, afraid of being poor and lonely and thought, "if they really knew me they wouldn't like me."

I didn't feel safe to be myself.  

So I hid.  I hid behind the masks of makeup and "strong," "independent," my job title, relationships and "I'm fine" to name a few. 

Can you relate? 

But here's the thing... Underneath it all, a part of me knew this was bull shit.  I had always questioned authority and the status quo.  I was always able to sense the pain beneath the masks of others.  I was able to sense that others were faking it too.  That observant quality that helped me fit in was the same part of me that knew I was just playing the game.  I thought I had to in order to survive!  But there was another part of me that I could feel was dying inside, and she just wanted to be herself and to be loved.  

She knew she was beautiful and enough just as she was without changing a thing. 

She wanted to be seen and heard and express herself! 

For those of us who have always questioned the status quo, feel trapped by the rules or want to change things while we are here, following a prescribed formula or career path doesn't work for us.  

Fitting in doesn't work for us. 

WE are the wild hearts and free spirits.  

We cannot be contained by systems and structures and ways of doing things that keep us hidden and small. 

We can no longer live in FEAR of what others will think of us.  Our lives depend on it.  Our souls depend on it.  Our true "success" depends on it.  WE are the ones we have been waiting for.

 

So how did I regain my footing?...

I spent last week in Sonoma celebrating the end of a group mastermind program with twelve amazing women and then spent some time alone in a cottage on a farm to reconnect to the TRUTH of who I am.  

Through the power of sisterhood, I was able to see the ways in which these old pressures to BE who I thought I needed to be... for THEM to like me, for YOU to like me... had been trying to run the show. 

I'm not willing to let the "idea" of who I need to be dictate how I show up in the world.  That is not why I am here.  

I quickly saw how this was not serving my desire to honor and express the truth of who I am to give women permission to do the same.

 

So I headed to the beach and performed a self-made releasing ritual to commence the occasion (see the video below).  

I released the "need to be" and any expectations about what my business "should" look like.  I honored and payed respect to how these subconscious thoughts had been here to protect me and keep me safe.  I threw them into the ocean and moved them through my body with a dance as an offering back to the Earth for her to compost. 

By reconnecting with my sisters and my true essence, I was once again reminded of my wildness, my instinctual nature, my desire to feel free and be a voice for what is REAL...  

Because I believe that LIBERATED WOMEN are the LEADERS of the future.  

And self-expression is one of the highest forms of self-love. 

By facing these beliefs head-on with compassion rather than judgement, I was able to find gratitude for them.  By intentionally releasing them and marking the occasion with a ritual (and this blog post), I was able to take action to move forward gracefully. 

 

So I ask you... Are you hiding your true self?  Are you afraid to be seen?  Are you staying small or quiet?  

Are you buying a story that you are not 'enough' as you are?  Are you trying to look or be how you think you need to be to get ahead and be liked?  

Are you ready to reclaim your true feminine beauty and power to transform your life? Are you ready to fall more deeply in love with yourself? 

 

Then I invite you to send me an email to kiki@kikifed.com with even just a few words and tell me what is weighing in your heart at the moment.   

I cannot wait to hear from you.

And if you haven't yet, then please join me in community. 

 

With BIG, WILD, graceful love,

Kiki  

Busy but unsatisfied? What to do when you're questioning things.

Hey ladies! 

The first order of good news... the videos are back! 

I'm so touched by all of you who have kindly pointed out how much you miss them.  It's all for you baby!  Muah!

I've been spending these last couple months with this growing tribe in person and one-on-one.  I've learned a LOT about you - evolving women, emerging leaders, ambitious with BIG hearts who want to make a difference. 


I've been hearing that many of you are questioning things lately.  It's like you are doing all the things you should be doing, but it doesn’t quite feel right… Something is missing.  

Are you constantly rushing or stressed and sacrificing your well-being?
Maybe you’re giving too much of yourself to your job and or relationships and you feel like you've lost touch with yourself.

Or perhaps you are craving more meaning in you life.

I totally get it. I’ve been there.  Luckily, there will always be these moments when you are reminded that something needs to change.  

I’m here to tell you that it can be BETTER!  

As a feminine leader, it's you're job to be a role model and do what it takes to feel better.  

But you need to give yourself permission for this one thing. 

Without it you will stay in the cycle of proving and self-sacrifice and unsatisfied... never knowing your greatness.

This is the secret to some of my biggest breakthroughs.

 

So excited to be back! 

xo,

Kiki

The time has come for women to accept their spiritual responsibility for the planet.

“You will be teachers for each other. You will come together in circles and speak your truth to each other. The time has come for women to accept their spiritual responsibility for the planet.”
— Sherry Anderson recounting her dream in "The Feminine Face of God: The Unfolding of the Sacred in Women"

 

As soon as I read these words, it hit me.  

I am not alone.  

I am exactly where I need to be, doing exactly what I need to be doing. 

For years, women have been dreaming of what my sisters and I know and can feel is happening.  

WE are not alone. 

The revolution is underway. 

This is cause for a celebration!

“What we need are stories from spiritually mature women in our time and culture who are demonstrating the sacred in today’s world. We need to hear from women we can relate to...We need to hear directly from these women about the unfolding of the sacred in their own lives in their own words, and in the language of their own hearts.”
— -
With a resonant "YES" I humbly accept. 

With a resonant "YES" I humbly accept. 

I am here to tell my story.

The truth is that I did not plan on becoming a voice for the feminine spiritual revolution.  In fact, I thought for sure there is something else I am here to do, something more marketable that fits neatly into a business plan, like weight-loss.  

The harder I fought to "find" my perfect business proposition, my target market, the more resistance I felt.  I was in my head and something was missing, nagging at me.

"There is something bigger."

"Get to the core of what women and the world truly need."

 "Don't be scared.  It's time. Women are ready for this."

There is no cookie-cutter business model to follow.  There is no "for sure."  But this is a risk worth taking because I believe in it more deeply than anything.  This is what motivates and excites me, makes my heart beat faster and sends chills in waves through my body.  It is time to stop "trying" and start "being."  This is what I and we have been waiting for.  

This is what wants to flow through me.  

 

“If women are to pioneer a new way of embodying spirit in the world today, one thing seems certain: we must listen to the deep source of wisdom within ourselves and tell the truth about what we are learning.”
— -

Well shit.  That means getting really fucking honest, real, vulnerable about what is happening for me and the women I call sisters.  That also means seriously trusting in myself and my abilities to make a greater vision for life on this planet a bonafide reality. 

The parts of me that were self-conscious or worried about being judged have dissipated into fully accepting my responsibility. 

I recently found myself on a rooftop here in Playa del Carmen, Mexico, alone, under the stars, peering out over the jungle with the orchestra of the waves, speaking out loud, witnessed only by earth and sky, saying,

"YES. I accept. I accept the challenge."

It is up to me to listen to my own inner wisdom and speak my truth in service to other women and the world.   It is up to me to get out of my own way. 

 

It is time for women to return to ourselves, our natural rhythms and each other, remember how we used to be revered, and reclaim our femininity and the value of our gifts.

The knowledge we are reviving is not the type taught in schools, churches or company retreats.  This is not a thing of the ego or the intellect.  In fact, it is quite the opposite.  

 

The wisdom and power that lies waiting for women is visceral

vis·cer·al    /vis(ə)rəl/  adjective:  relating to deep inward feelings rather than to the intellect;  synonyms: instinctive, instinctual, gut, deep-down, deep-seated, deep-rooted, inward

 

We are here to reclaim what is ours to know, love, trust and express...

Our femininity.

Our bodies.

Our energy.

Our rhythm.

Our traditions.

Our sisterhood.

Our beauty.

Our power. 

Our spirits.

 

And so it is. 

 

Thank you for joining me on this adventure.

 

Stay tuned to kikifed.com as more musings, events and offerings emerge!

Email me at kikifederico@gmail.com if you desire to co-create an experience for awakening women. 


Sherry Anderson & Patricia Hopkins quoted throughout from "The Feminine Face of God: The Unfolding of the Sacred in Women"