6 Lessons on Saying No and Letting Go

Unearthed group mentorship final retreat

Unearthed group mentorship final retreat

Earlier this week I hosted the final retreat for Unearthed, a group mentorship program taking 9 incredible women on a journey home to themselves.  Ultimately, one of the major results for these highly ambitious and free-spirited professionals was clarity - clarity on who they are, what they want and their path forward. 

Clarity is something I think we are all seeking. We like certainty, knowing the answer, a sure thing.  Clarity gets us out of thinking about it too much and into action, but the road to clarity is often bumpy, muddy and not well lit. 

(If you are feeling unclear, find out how you can work with me to find clarity with grace). 

With so many choices and influences coming our way every day, it is essential to have the tools, practices and guidance to help you discern what to keep and what to let go of in your life.  Sometimes you just need to stop putting off decisions to keep moving forward on your path.  

But clarity can also be kind of scary, because it means you know what you need to do... it can mean saying NO and letting go of things you're used to, security, people you love, in order to say YES to yourself and your highest path. 

But how do you get clear?  How do you know what to do?  

 

This week I had to decide whether to complete the 2nd half of a training program I had started last year.  You could think of this like any decision you have to make - do I stay in this job? relationship? finish this school program? go on that trip? buy these new shoes? go to that party? 

Going into the call with the advisor, I had lots of mixed feelings.  

I thought… “It would be “good for me” to finish the program"… “It never hurts to have more skills"… “You’ll have more credibility”… “I will meet people in my industry”...

And then I was told, “this is the last time we will be offering this program.”  BOOM.  Scarcity.  It made me think, “Oh no! what if I loose this chance to take it!”   

 

But did I really want to do it?  Would it really serve me?  

 

Then I recalled all of the work that I have done through meditations, visualizations, journaling, exercises, coaching programs, intention-setting rituals and ceremonies, asking for guidance…   The truth is, I’m quite clear on my desires, vision, how I want to feel and how I want to share my gifts.

But still some lingering doubt remained.  I needed to get out of my over-thiking, rational mind and check in with my body…  feel for the answer.  

 

So I pictured myself in the future going through the motions, talking to the people, scheduling things on my calendar, committing my time and energy to it, and I felt tense and stressed already. 

Once I got the “no” I felt a subtle wave of relief and strength come over me.  I was actually saying YES - energetically, emotionally, financially, with my time - to creating something bigger than myself coming in 2016.   

 

Sometimes you need to really make space for your intuitive guidance to come through and give yourself permission follow it… even if it goes against what other people want or society would have you should do.  

You get one life, and you have unique gifts that the world needs.  And if you are going to start to consciously create the lifestyle and career you really want, then you to reclaim the power of your own inner authority.  

 

What did this experience of saying no and letting go of the program help me remember?  

Here goes...

 

6 Lessons on Letting Go and Saying No

  1. You don’t have to finish what you started.  
    • Just because you start something doesn’t mean you have to finish it.
  2. Go inward and use your body
    • Close your eyes and check in with your body & visualize yourself committing to the choice at hand, see yourself going through all of the motions in the future and really feel what it’s like - sense any resistance, constriction or expansion & relief 
    • Turning off outside influences and the chatter of your rational mind helps you tap into a more intuitive form of Knowing.
    • My very sensual, feminine embodied spiritual practice is the foundation and my guide to my inner authority.
  3. Scarcity sucks
    • Don’t say yes to something because of a perceived sense of scarcity / you’ll miss out (FOMO) / it will be gone if you don’t / you might “miss your chance” / 
    • maybe it’s not the right time for you to do, have or learn this
    • do it because it makes you feel like more of yourself 
  4. You don’t need to worry about "getting it right," doing things the “right” way... or following someone else’s system or path.
    • Life is messy and there is rarely a “right” way (Ok, maybe if you're baking).  
    • You need to focus on getting tuned in to what’s true for you.  Learn to trust that. 
    • Risk, loss, failure are all part of the process of life and creation.  
  5. Don’t diminish your value, but rather increase it through your choices. 
    • Be careful to distinguish between consciously “investing in yourself” by following your deep desires and adding to your growth, beauty, pleasure, experience, relationships....
    • vs. unconsciously buying or doing things with an underlying reason of fear, to “make up for” what you think you lack or to win the approval of others
  6. Saying NO and letting go are CREATIVE CHOICES.
    • Letting go or saying no to something is making room for that something else are you giving a big, fat “YES” to... usually your true desires, dreams, growth, future...
    • And I am here to create something new based on my unique strengths and experience. 

 

Overall this is about eliminating outside influence and learning to trust yourself - body & soul - to get clear on what is right for you, right now.  Or, learn how to get really comfortable with the unknown.

 

And I would love for you to join me live in San Francisco, on Sunday January 24th for

BODY & SOUL - a movement + music + ritual class for women only at the gorgeous The Center’s gorgeous studio and tea house. 

Women are coming together to feel beautiful in their bodies and be uplifted by the power of the collective.  You are invited!  

Get your tickets ASAP - early bird ends this weekend! 

 

With wild grace,

Kiki